


Gone

by deliriouslyshipping



Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, so sorry beforehand, there is a plot twist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-09 06:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17402030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliriouslyshipping/pseuds/deliriouslyshipping
Summary: T'Challa scans the words again, assessing all of the possibilities. All of his stuff is still here, in the room that they share. His scent still lingers in the bed where they profess their continuous adoration for each other.He is just gone.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> It has been since August since I wrote anything so I apologize! I'm still here.

_"Who sent you?" He doesn't bristle at the voice or the heat of the already fired gun at his head. This was just meant to scare him; he knows it. The wall beside of him has at least a round of bullets wedged in from the interrogation. They won't get a thing from him, though._

_It smells like they're underground and due to the quiet atmosphere, they are isolated at least. By an educated guess, he has been here for a couple of days, maybe a week. It is hard to distinguish days when you can't see and haven't had habitual times of torture. Time is scattered. The man fires another shot, intentionally against his ear. The heat scalds his ear and the only sense he can grasp onto is the ringing. He hisses, but nothing else. He can't afford to do much more._

_Breathe. Don't speak. Don't let them get to you._

_"Just kill him already!" Another voice yells. He is farther away. There is an argument between the two men in a language that he doesn't understand. He smiles once he hears the footsteps retreat from him They're disorganized now. If he could only get out of the rope.._

_The man with the gun places the muzzle under his chin, and he can smell the strong cologne almost radiating from his body._

_"You have one more chance to tell me or," he cocks the gun, "it's over." He turns his head to where he thinks the man is and shakes his head._

_"I'd rather die." A cacophony of noise is outside of the room and he knows it's gunshots. Before he can think through it, the door is kicked open and two more shots burst through the air. A breath of relief escapes his body, knowing, and the ropes are cut. He pushes the blindfold off and adjusts to the light._

_Then he smirks._

* * *

 

 _"_ "Bast, you two are disgusting!" Shuri yells, covering her eyes from the image of her brother kissing. T'Challa laughs, pulling away from N'Jadaka temporarily to glance at his sister, amused. N'jadaka also releases a chuckle of his own, loosening his hold on the King's waist. 

"You know you are supposed to knock," T'Challa reminds. 

"I wish I did," Shuri groans, "but Mother wishes to see both of us. Specifically, just us." N'Jadaka rolls his eyes, which isn't seen by his lover, and lets go of T'Challa completely. 

"I will join you in a few," T'Challa replies. Shuri leaves, not without saying a few words about not wanting to see them naked anytime soon. The door closes behind them and T'Challa merely looks at Erik as he plays with one of his knives. He knows his lover too well. Something is wrong and T'Challa knows exactly what it is. "You know it is just going to take time, sithandwa sam." 

N'Jadaka scoffs, peering up from his knife. "Yeah, it's been almost a year and she still doesn't even want me in her presence." T'Challa ambles over to the bed, sitting over the side. His fingers gingerly wrap around the blade, ensuring that the focus is solely on him and this conversation. 

"You did try to kill me." This makes Erik fight off a smile. 

"I tried to kill a lot of people-"

"And Shuri. You also technically started a Wakanda civil war. You almost sent out weapons-" N'Jadaka takes this opportunity to whisk his knife back without injuring T'Challa. He hisses in the process, agitated. 

"Alright. I get it. I'm a homicidal dumbass. Anything else you'd like to share?" T'Challa can see the fire in his eyes. The same fire he saw when he stood in front of a council and told them that he was the son of N'Jobu, when they fought on that train, and the exact same fire when he tore the blade from his pierced chest. He only sees instances of the flames in his eyes, but they last a very short time. T'Challa cups his cheek and places their foreheads together. He can already hear Erik's heartbeat decrease back to normal. 

"And one day she is going to accept that I am in love with a prior homicidal dumbass. No matter how long it takes." 

"You mean a prior homicidal dumbass with good dick," N'Jadaka laughs as T'Challa smacks his scarred chest, placing his hand over T'Challa's to keep it there. 

"Always so vulgar." 

"And you love it," Erik replies. T'Challa leans forward and slots their mouths together. Moments like this is what matter the most to them, T'Challa particularly. He remembers wrestling for more than two years to show N'Jadaka that this is his home too. That death isn't the only option that he has. It took many sleepless nights, more tears than he's ever shed, and opening up more than he ever had. N'Jadaka used to curse his name, attack him the first chance that he had. T'Challa figured at one point that trying this hard for Erik was not worth it. 

Now look at them now. 

T'Challa breaks the kiss. "I love you." N'Jadaka's eyes widen and there it is. The fear. In the year that they have been together, he has never said that he loves him. T'Challa overlooks it because the man has been through more than he could ever think of. He lost his father and his mother was never there. He never had the chance to love after N'Jobu laid lifeless in his arms, nor did he give himself the chance to. Love is Erik's greatest enemy. 

"Don't you have to go see Queen Mother?" T'Challa wants to press in, to drive the words out of him, but he can't. Losing N'Jadaka again is T'Challa greatest enemy. 

He rises, brushing off his robe of any wrinkles. N'Jadaka puts away his knife and gets off of the bed. An tension fills the air, but when N'Jadaka wraps himself around T'Challa again, it dissipates as fast as it came. 

"I'm sorry."

"Please do not be." They stay like this for a while, comfortable with just being like this. Eventually, T'Challa parts. "I must go. Will you be here later?" 

"If they don't send me out to watch the border, I'll be here." N'Jadaka promises with a smile, reaching his hand out for his lover to give the same. T'Challa provides him what he wants, and N'Jadaka kisses it softly. 

"Be safe," T'Challa says. He only gets a stern nod in reply. 

With one final looks, he leaves the room that they share. 

* * *

 

T'Challa is exhausted. Queen Mother ridiculed N'Jadaka again and despite both Shuri's and his own protests, she continued to speak horridly on his name. He cannot blame her, though. He understands the fear, beneath all of that pride, that he is only using his sex to gain control of the throne. He isn't, though. T'Challa knows it. Despite that, he had to communicate with the remaining members of the Avengers. Once again, he told them that he had no idea where Captain America was nor Bucky and he has had no communications with them.

Of course, Bucky is only a 4 mile walk away and he goes by a different name than that here in Wakanda. Captain America calls in when he can to see how Bucky is doing, but never visits here himself. It is quite strange, this situation.

T'Challa does not tell them the truth. He is not even a member of the Avengers, officially, nor does he want to be. He is there when needed and that is good enough for everyone. 

He opens the door to his room, finding it without N'Jadaka. He must be on watch tonight. It does not bother him as much as it usually would, since sleep drags heavy on him. He prepares for bed and sleep finds him easily that night. 

He dreams of N'Jadaka and a small boy. They look strikingly similar. N'Jadaka looks up and motions him over as he lifts up the boy, spinning them around. Behind them, he hears a growl, and a multitude of glowing eyes begin to surround them. It takes him too long to realize that they are all in danger. His voice chokes out a cry, but it is too late. The panthers pounce to attack his love and the child. 

* * *

 

The dream has put T'Challa on edge. It shouldn't since it was only a extension of his inner fears, but he still does not feel right. He needs comfort and only one person can give him what he needs. With absolution, he goes out to the border to find his man. 

But he wasn't there. 

He wasn't at watch last night. 

He didn't stay in at the library again. 

He's not passed out in his old room. 

There is no record of him anywhere. 

He finds Shuri last. He has to be there. 

"Have you seen N'Jadaka?" She looks at him, puzzled, and places her tools down. 

"I haven't seen him since you two were speaking french yesterday. Why?" T'Challa tries to keep his heart rate down, but he can't. He doesn't know what it is, but something is not right. 

"He hasn't came back since before we met with Mother." Shuri's smile drops. T'Challa is being as composed as he can be, but water begins to brim his eyes. 

"Is it not doing watch?"

"No! And he's not anywhere where he would be otherwise and I've tried looking up his location but it's been taken out or turned off and-" T'Challa cuts himself off with a gasp as the worst possibilities flood his mind. This is N'Jadaka - Erik Stevens - Killmonger - and there is no limit to what could have happened. 

"Brother you must calm down!" But he feels numb. Tears slip down his cheeks, but he lifts the posture back in his body. Wipes the tears from his eyes.

"I have to go." He walks away from his sister, ignoring her yells for him as he leaves the lab. 

* * *

 

His room doesn't hold the same warmth as it did before. His mind has been distracted in everything that he has been doing. 

At first, he was angry. This had to be some prank N'Jadaka is playing on him, similar to all of those videos that Shuri watches in her free time. N'Jadaka was just going to pop up one day with this cocky smile on his face and apologize for making him freak out. So T'Challa waited for two extra days. Nothing. Mother tried to tell him that she was right all along, but he snapped at her instead. He yelled everything that he was feeling at the moment to her. He yelled and yelled and when he was done, he left and slammed the door behind him. He should feel sorry but he is not. He just needs N'Jadaka. 

After a week, Shuri convinced him that ordering the Dora to search all of Wakanda was not a smart idea. If he is not here, he is not going to be around in Wakanda where people are still petrified of him. 

After two weeks, he stopped looking himself. Not that he gave up on Erik entirely, but that Erik was here in Wakanda. 

It's currently been 19 days since he last saw his lover. A knock came at the door and he opened the door. Ayo blinked away her surprise at his distraught appearance and saluted him. 

"My king, you have received a letter." T'Challa carelessly returns the salute. 

"I do not wish to see it." 

"My king, if I may, it looks like it is written by him." T'Challa reaches out and takes the letter from her hands. He looks at the outside of it. It's his handwriting. A wave of hope fills his heart and he looks back at Ayo. 

"Thank you." She salutes at her departure and he waits until the door closes behind him to rip it open. So many emotions rush through him that he does not know what he is expecting out of a letter. 

 

_Please forget me. I never existed to you._

 

_-Killmonger_

 

8 words. How could N'Jadaka ask of him to forget him? Why did he leave him? The letter provides no answers, only more questions. Tears flow again, scattering on the empty spaces of the paper. T'Challa tosses the paper aside, a rush of adrenaline entering his bloodstream. He feels like screaming and, as much as he hates it, he feels like hurting someone or something. 

He does not rest. Tonight, he is more hurt than he has been since Baba stretched in his arms, drawing out his last breath. 

* * *

 

On day 21, he finds the paper again.

Something isn't right. There is no reason for any of this. There was no built up of any kind, no snapping point that T'Challa was there for. N'Jadaka wouldn't just leave.

T'Challa scans the words again, assessing all of the possibilities. All of his stuff is still here, in the room that they share. His scent still lingers in the bed where they profess their continuous adoration for each other. Everything is here that belongs to N'Jadaka, but N'Jadaka isn't here. 

  
He is just gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses about what happened yet? I left two clues in this one :) I hope you like it


	2. Chapter 2

_"There is something about you," she spoke confidently behind her chair. He did not reply, but the question lying on his tongue is implied._

_"I've read about you and what you have done, but there is something missing. There is so much more that is not on paper." She rises from her chair, stalking closer to him on the other side of the table. He doesn't react to her hands spreading across his chest, nails intentionally digging into his skin. It has been many years since he has reacted in any way to a woman. All that mattered to him was a mission and no budding flower could stop him._

_Her red lips brush across his cheek into a firm kiss on his cheek, leaving a crimson mark in its wake. Her teeth drag to his ear, nibbling on the lobe as she seats herself on his lap. This was not a chance of seduction; this was a test. She was testing him and he is passing with flying colors._

_"Rest assured," she whispers, "I will find out everything that I want to know."_

_Finally, he turns his head to look at her. If he had moved any more, they would have kissed, but it was all intimidation. Before she could react, he wrapped a strong hand around her throat, squeezing enough to cut off air. Her lips parted in fear. He tilts her head up and kisses at her jawline. Just for show._

_"You won't find a damn thing about me that I don't want you to know." He shoves her to the ground and walks out of the office. She holds a hand against her throat in shock as the door closes behind him._

* * *

 

"This doesn't sound like him, brother?" 

T'Challa knew that if there was one person who he could trust with the letter, it was Shuri. She was, somehow, the person who accepted him the most, despite her shooting him the moment T'Challa let N'Jadaka out of the cage. T'Challa paced around the lab, the words as embedded in his mind as his father's words in the Ancestral Plane (which he already checked to see if N'Jadaka was dead). 

It has been 38 days. 

"I know it doesn't sound like him. He wouldn't just leave Shuri." She gives him a complex look, unbelieving of even that. T'Challa knows he wouldn't go. 

"He was trained-" 

"He wouldn't just leave!" He pinches his bridge, frustrated. "I know him better than all of you. He wanted to stay." Shuri says nothing more, rereading the letter for his comfort. T'Challa settles to sit down in a seat, but it doesn't stop the thoughts attacking his brain. All of the possibilities. 

Was he kidnapped? If he didn't log in his hours to the watch, then maybe he did have border duty and someone got in? Maybe someone in Oakland died and he saw it on his technology. Maybe he needed to go.. 

"Why would he address himself as Killmonger? I thought he didn't want to be called that anymore." 

"He doesn't. There's got to be some reasoning behind all of this." Shuri walks over to him and places a hand on his shoulder. It feels warm, almost comforting, but T'Challa can't appreciate it as much as he should. "I just want him home."

"I'm sure Mother is happy," Shuri scoffs, "I think I saw her crack a smile when you told her that he is missing. If I didn't know any better, I would think that she was behind all of this." 

It was a boiling, the rage that welt up in T'Challa. It's not impossible whatsoever. Queen Mother despises his being and everything he represents. Of course she would be happy that he was gone, especially if she is why he left. T'Challa stands, attempting to swallow down his anger. 

"Perhaps I should talk to her." Shuri blinks numerously in her surprise, standing in front of her brother before he can move further. She puts a hand up, bewildered. 

"Brother.. you are not considering that-"

"I don't know what happened in the eighteen hours between the time I last saw and when I realized he was gone. Mother is the only one who would truly want him gone. I at least have to ask." T'Challa hates this feeling. The panther beneath his skin has been digging to get out, to show some true vengeance to anyone who would dare to want harm upon N'Jadaka. Shuri's thinking it through, he knows it. Despite his poor mood, nothing cannot be considered at this point, even if it means accusing of his own mother of masterminding his lover's disappearance. 

"You know how ugly this can get." Of course he knows, but not a cell in his body is not willing to take the risk. He walks up the spiral before Shuri calls his name again. T'Challa turns to his saddened sister. 

"What if.. what if he sent you that letter for a reason? Is it really worth going down the rabbit hole to find him?" T'Challa unclenches his fist, contemplative. He already knows the answer before it leaves his lips and Shuri couldn't have expected a different response. 

"He's worth it all." 

T'Challa almost runs out of the room, saluting the guards despite the build up of tears in his eyes. 

* * *

 

_"Is this your idea of changing my view of this damn place? Taking me to a forest ain't it, bruh." T'Challa rolled his eyes and hurried him along the trail. Technically, it was another week before N'Jadaka was even allowed out of his cell. As King, he'll break as many rules as he sees fit for the situation._

_"Alright, stop and follow me closely," T'Challa advises, stepping in front of him to guide him through the thick leaves. Wakanda was beautiful beyond compare and as King, he was doing a better job of letting the world see what Wakanda truly is and what they are capable of. The rest of the world thought Wakanda was poor and in need, but N'Jadaka thought Wakanda was poor and in need for a completely reason. How do you reverse the way someone bred themselves to think of their disgusted home?_

_They hiked another five minutes and in that time, Erik had resolved to gripping the back of his robe and ducking his head to dodge the leaves._

_"Nigga if you're going to kill me, go ahead and do it."_

_"I am not going to kill you! Bast, why would you say that?" N'Jadaka shrugs behind him._

_"It's just one of your many options, King." T'Challa knows he only refers to him as King when something bitter is in his mind. He sneers the term out, no matter how much he tries not to for formality. T'Challa is only trying to help him, but sometimes the customs of Wakanda seem to make it worse for the both of them. He shakes the thought away as they finally reach their destination._

_The quiet roar of the water becomes louder and they emerge through the trees. N'Jadaka looks around, confused, but T'Challa elects to speak before he can say anything._

_"I found this place when I was 13. I used to come here all of the time when I was stressed. I built a small hut over there," T'Challa points to the nearly invisible house, "for when I wanted to get away for a while. Come." N'Jadaka follows T'Challa acrosses the shallow of the waterfall to the hut. It had obviously went through some renovations before their trip here today, obviously by the hand of T'Challa. N'Jadaka had a feeling no one else knew about this place._

_"So you never took Nakia here when you wanted some one-on-one time?"_

_"Nakia had made it very clear a long time ago that she has no intention of being my queen. It just took me a long to accept that." T'Challa replies as he opens the door. It had all of the necessities were here for living. A bed, a small "kitchen," a hallway leading to a bathroom in the back. The place was stocked in food. "And no, this place was just for me."_

_"Then why did you show me then?" T'Challa tossed him a water bottle, which N'Jadaka caught easily, chugging it down in a couple of gulps. T'Challa watches a couple of drop drip from the sides of his mouth, then remembers his place and looks away. It isn't unseen by the war criminal, who suppresses a smile behind the bottle._

_"I assumed you wouldn't want to live anywhere near people anytime soon, so I thought-"_

_"That you would give me your old play house?" T'Challa drags out a heavy breath, thinking this was a horrid idea. N'Jadaka sits on the bed, one leg raised. He presents his teeth, the gold reflecting off of the outside line shining through. "I thought I still had a week left."_

_"You do," T'Challa replies, "I wanted you to have options since I can't let you leave, and I know that you want to leave and if I could-" N'Jadaka laughs, low, but it is enough to cut the king off once again._

_"Just shut up. I'm fine being in a palace or whatnot. It gives me some satisfaction that they still have to deal with me despite all of this shit." T'Challa nods and motions for him to come on so they can leave._

_"Hey, King," N'Jadaka waits for him to turn around, "am I really worth all this effort you're putting into me?"_

_For the first time, N'Jadaka looked like he wanted that answer, like he needed to hear some sort of confirmation. T'Challa knew his perspective of N'Jadaka was changing from the constant interactions to purposely makes with him. It's changing into something T'Challa needs to cut off before it reaches a point of no return._

_"You're worth more than your life led you to believe you was worth, N'Jadaka. Come, we have to sneak you back in before Okoye realizes you're gone."_

_"Oh shit, let's go. That woman hurts like a bitch." They don't talk any more on the way back, not that they needed to. Their minds were in different places, content in their own thoughts._

_T'Challa knew that wasn't what he wanted to say, but he can't afford to say any more than what he did say. It was sufficient enough for N'Jadaka, though._

* * *

 

"How  **dare** you ask me such a thing." Ramonda places a hand at her chest, leaning back in her chair. T'Challa stands tall, proud, eyes focused solely on his mother. "If I wanted the boy gone, I'd tell him myself." 

"You have yet to speak a word to him since the day he threw me off of Warrior Falls years ago. He is my lover and all you've done is tell me how much you hate him, and now he is gone and you want me to think that you have absolutely no part in it." Queen Mother glares at her son, their prides battling each other in the way they speak. 

"Do you even know what that boy has done? Who he is?" T'Challa almost rolls his eyes. 

"Mother, I've memorized his file by memory and I know him better than anyone in-" Queen Mother smacks her hand on the table. 

"Wrong! You don't know everything. I've done research into your bed warmer and he is not all that he seems." Ramonda gets up and walks down the hall to her room, T'Challa following closely. There is no way that she could have found out more about him. 

"Who have you contacted?" She opens a drawer and shoves a file his way. A paper file?

"It matters not. Your consort has a darker past than you think." T'Challa opens the file. It's N'Jadaka in images and reports with classified marked in red on top of the file. Except his name isn't Erik Stevens as his alias. It's Isaiah Malachi Robinson. He closes the file, electing to read more later. What matters is his mother.

"Who did you get this from? Tell me at once!" Ramonda backs away from T'Challa. 

"I don't know. I asked for someone to give me more on him since he decided he was going to sex his way back to the throne and they dropped it off at the border." 

"You're telling me you got a secret file on N'Jadaka and you have no idea who they are or what they are a part of? Do you realize you could've put Wakanda in danger? Do you realize you could've put N'Jadaka in danger?" T'Challa is all but yelling at this point, pacing around the room. Queen Mother glares and drives a finger into his chest. 

"If you hadn't opened your legs for a snake, I wouldn't need to put anyone in danger." He shakes his head and turns away from her, angered. 

"If he is in danger and it is because you dug in grounds you had no right to be in, I will not hesitate to come after you when this is done." She gasps, reaching for him, but he denies the gesture. "You know, all he wanted was to be accepted by you. He tried to be good for you and all you do is treat him like he is nothing. You are wrong." T'Challa walks right out of the door with the file in his hand. Queen Mother doesn't call for him to come back. 

T'Challa doesn't expect her to, either. 

* * *

 

Isaiah Malachi Robinson 

Age: Classified

Race: Classified

Profession: Classified

How could N'Jadaka not tell him about this? This isn't military and this isn't when he worked for Klaue. T'Challa scans the images of his lover. He hates the fact that it gives him comfort to see those images. In some, he is smiling and surrounded by other people carrying weapons like his. In others, his face is battered, his body covered in wounds that T'Challa barely noticed across his bronzed skin. 

What was he into?

"Operation: Mwokozi" Savior? Swahili? He's been in Africa this whole time and no one knew. 

T'Challa wants to be upset. N'Jadaka never told him about this or even hinted that he was involved anywhere in Africa until he walked right into Wakanda. He wants to be mad, but he knows he's not going to stop. He can't. 

Isaiah Robinson was in Ethiopia. He knows Ethiopia and he knows the Rift Valley in the background. He was there. Right under his nose, N'Jadaka was here all along. 

T'Challa begins to pack, calling Shuri via the Kimoyo beads. 

"Brother."

"I am going to find him and I'm starting in Ethiopia. You've got to take over while I am gone."

"Ethiopia? What did Mother-"

"She found something out and it may mean he is in trouble."

"Just keep me updated!"

"If I can," T'Challa turns off the communication and lifts the bag. 

The step onto the plane doesn't feel like a confident stride into finding N'Jadaka. 

It feels like he has no idea where the hell N'Jadaka is going to lead him, but he has to try. 

He'd give anything to find him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have any new guesses as to where N'Jadaka is?  
> Also I wanted to shower some pre-relationship T'Cherik/killchalla/whatever the heck you call it


	3. Chapter 3

_"Just go," she pleads. He watches, pained, because he knows what he has to do. Throughout his whole life, he never thought he would ever have so much compassion. He can't do it, he simply can't. Her eyes are pleading as she holds onto her child, whispering comforts in his ear. The boy never deserved this, to be raised into this kind of life._

_"I can't." He hears the men close in on his position and if he doesn't act fast, they will all die. This was a suicide mission, but they have no idea who they are fucking with. He lifts her wretched body and holds her up. He pushes them out the door, pulling out his gun with his free. He shoots down the three men outside of the door with ease. He pushes the woman and her child through the street, using cover when needed. The men are everywhere. Hope is beginning to run out._

_He squeezes his eyes shut, perplexed. Her hands cups his cheek ever so softly and he looks at her._

_"It is okay," tears streak her eyes as the baby cries, "you cannot save everyone."  They're closing in again, but his hands are shaking and his ears are attracted to the sounds of their footsteps. He drops his head into her hand._

_"I have to." His voice isn't strong enough. She kisses his dirt smeared cheek. She, then, places the baby in his hands, her body folding in the loss._

_"Get him to safety. That is how you will honor my death." He begins to say her name, but she already scuttled to the middle of the streets. The flashlight of their guns are trained on her and he has to make a decision. Now._

_He clutches the baby against his chest and runs. At the end of the street, he hears the shots. He doesn't cry, he hasn't in a long time, but damn it if this isn't the closest he has been in a long time. The colors in his vision blur and his feet are bruised from the constant movement, but he doesn't stop until he reaches the building. He unlocks it and quickly closes it behind him. The baby in his arms, this child, is not his. The boy peers at him with bright eyes and the amount of angst filling his body makes him buckle._

_The baby reaches out and grabs at his necklace, dried tears staining his precious face._

_"I'm sorry," he says. The child does not answer._

_He failed._

* * *

 

"I saw him," T'Challa screams in the midst of gunfire. The adrenaline rushing though his veins keeps his feet moving, despite the gouging pain in his calf. He thinks for a split second that leaving the suit behind was a bad idea, but quickly shakes off the thought. If he was going to find his man, it would be without the title and the power.  _  
_

"What do you mean?" Shuri screams back, confused.

"He looked me right in my eyes and shot me." T'Challa runs behind a wall, a gun in his hand. He usually doesn't prefer guns, but it is not like he has anything else going on. 

"He shot you!" T'Challa darts the corner, shooting the people behind him. Another bullet grazes his left arm and he hisses, but all of the men have fallen. The air is silent again and he finally breathes again. 

"He saw me, and he looked like he was going to say something, but then he shot me in my leg."

"I am coming over and we are-"

"No Shuri. N'Jadaka shot me there on purpose, I know he did. He ran off with these men and didn't shoot me until I was trying to catch up." Shuri releases a heavy breath, but says nothing more. T'Challa feels almost feels relief that N'Jadaka is even alive. 

"He obviously is telling you to stay away. You need to come back home." The streets of Ethiopia are strangely empty and he realizes that this is, in no way, done. His brain focuses on N'Jadaka, his need for him overpowering the sense of danger. 

"Not without him!" The wounds are already beginning to heal, except for the leg. He shot him enough to keep him down long enough so that T'Challa couldn't catch him. 

"I don't want to be the one to say it, but he is not the same boy you loved anymore." For a second, T'Challa considers it. N'Jadaka left him, left Wakanda, to join these men. T'Challa was simply lucky when he landed in Ethiopia, meeting with the diplomat, who told him that he is here, working with a group of men known for overthrowing countries and killing off the children. After that, Shuri researched them and helped track them down tonight. The chance that N'Jadaka is working with people that had similar goals to his is not far off, but T'Challa saw it. The fear. N'Jadaka is scared for him. 

"Look more into the group." 

"Brother-" he turns off the communications, not needing to hear any more. He knows what she is going to say. Everyone else in the world may think that N'Jadaka has turned rogue again, but T'Challa knows what he saw. 

He saw the same person who is scared to say that he loves him. The same person who is scared to be the reason he dies. 

* * *

 

_"What are your ideas on children?" It was another day out in the streets of Wakanda. The markets are thriving and it is such a relief to get a break from the Outreach Program. N'Jadaka was the first person who he had in mind to join him on this supposedly relaxing day. Beside of him, he feels N'Jadaka tense up, and he fears he hit a sore spot. An apology is about to escape his lips, but Erik shakes his head and breathes in deep._

_"I like kids. I just never thought I'd get the chance to with the take-over-the-world shit I was into. I know they change everything and I wasn't prepared for how much they can really change things.." Since their friendship has grown, N'Jadaka has become so much easier to read. His hands are clenched. T'Challa assumes it was something that had to deal with N'Jobu. He places his hand over N'Jadaka's instinctively, and draws it away just as fast._

_"I am sorry."_

_"It's all good. Nothing you would know about anyway."  N'Jadaka flashes his gold incisors, but it's forced. For his sake, T'Challa forgets he asked. "Would I go back the cell if I tried to steal some fruit?"_

_"N'Jadaka no-" but the man is already darting down the street to the stand and T'Challa has no choice but to follow after him._

_T'Challa distantly thinks that N'Jadaka would be so good with children, considering he acts like one._

* * *

 

"Who is he?" The bald one asks, swinging. "We told you not to get anyone else involved." N'Jadaka takes the hit, spitting out the blood that comes from the blow. He smiles though, wide and crazed, almost wanting more. This is the the Killmonger that they asked for. The blood crazed killer. He added six new scars onto his body just today, but that's from the ones who he saw before him. Inevitably, there are more. They are getting closer to the goal.

"I didn't tell anyone shit. How was I supposed to know the damn King of Wakanda would come after me if I disappeared? That's almost common sense." It earns him another hit, but it's not as bad as the first. That hit was just for his mouth. He takes it though, this time swallowing the blood. The metallic taste soothes some suppressed hunger for blood. He almost misses this. Almost. 

N'Jadaka leans against the wall, pulling the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He lights one up, eyes attracted to the blood that soaks into the paper. 

"That means we all have a problem then." Shit. N'Jadaka blows out a puff of smoke, uncaring for all of the other men in the room. Fuck them. He's got a mission to do.

"Let me do it. He was always my kill." The man turns and shoves the gun into his chest, right where T'Challa stabbed him a long time ago. N'Jadaka doesn't back down from the challenge, even when he hears the click of the gun. They really think they can scare him. 

"Why should we trust you?" N'Jadaka laughs and it distracts him long enough for N'Jadaka to flip the gun back on him. His face drops, angry, but he just flips the mechanism off and hands the gun back. Everyone else in the room just watched the interaction, but not without their hands ready if N'Jadaka would have fired a shot. Trust is not a thing that this group does. 

"If I wasn't arrested for trying to overthrow Wakanda by myself, that nigga and everyone he loved would be dead. Nothing would make me happier than to watch him die." 

"Then why didn't you do it earlier?" He shrugs. 

"It would be too easy. There is no satisfaction in him dying if I can't see it happening." The man, his pale skin a contradiction to the rest of the country, doesn't answer. He stares, waiting for any bullshit to show, but N'Jadaka gives nothing away. Finally, he tosses the gun. 

"Show me he's gone and we'll finish what we started," he leans close, enough that no one else can hear, "don't forget why you're here." 

N'Jadaka nods and scans the rest of the room before walking right of the door. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

* * *

 

T'Challa hasn't been able to sleep since. He could just go home, leave it alone, and hopefully not find N'Jadaka dead in another classified file. His heart is tugging him a million different ways, but he won't leave without getting what he came for. If he leaves now, he may never find his love again. He spent so long trying to divert Erik from this previous life of violence, but something has shifted him back. What changed?

The bed is nothing like what he is accustomed to, not that it makes any difference. It doesn't change the fact that all his mind can think about is how N'Jadaka could've been in this exact same place Bast knows how long ago, staring at the ceiling in sleeplessness like him. He just misses him. T'Challa hears something outside of his window and shuts his eyes, waiting. 

The window opens and he hears the mouse-silent steps towards the bed. The mechanism of a gun clicks and T'Challa snaps his eyes open, hands moving to force the gun out of his hands. The man is already on him, hand around his throat tightly and forcing him more into the bed. The king rolls out of the assault and grabs the knife on his nightstand. T'Challa attacks, ready, but the man diverts most assaults. He does nick the base of his neck, forcing the man to back away.

"T'Challa." And if that doesn't make him stop. With his free hand, N'Jadaka takes off the mask, and takes a heavy breath. T'Challa doesn't feel like he can breath or do anything. 

"I was faking your damn death and you always gotta fight something." 

"You.." T'Challa reaches for him, but N'Jadaka doesn't copy the action. Hurt, he draws his hand back. 

"I don't have time for the sappy shit. I have an hour to be back with proof that you're dead." 

"You left, N'Jadaka." T'Challa finds his voice, hating the amount of hatred he had laced within his name. N'Jadaka just looked at him for what felt like forever and T'Challa thinks that maybe he has gone back to who he was. N'Jadaka swallows everything down and walks up to T'Challa, drawing him closer. He touches their foreheads. 

"I had to."

"What is going on? Let me help." The fear is back. Erik draws away completely. 

"You can't help me. Don't you realize they'll kill all of us!" N'Jadaka realizes he said something wrong and shakes his head violently. "I told you to forget about me." T'Challa catches the mistake and there is so many questions unanswered. Instead, he just wraps his arms around him, squeezing as tight as he can while he can. 

"You knew I'd find you," T'Challa comments, "one way or another." 

"I shouldn't have left that damn letter." N'Jadaka holds him despite this, away from the sight from anyone who could be watching him. There is no way to tell if they followed him here, but he did cover his bases. "Let me do this. Once you're dead to them, you can go back to Wakanda and they won't know you're alive until it's too late." 

"No. I'm with you, no matter what you're in." N'Jadaka laughs incredulously. 

"You're an fucking idiot," but it sounds more like an endearment. 

"For you. How much time do we have?" T'Challa doesn't let him answer, drawing their mouths together. 

 

War can wait for a little while longer, just this once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know how long I wanted this to be and I am only writing this in my free time, which only happens to be this week.   
> At this point, the cat is already out of the bag, but that does not mean it's easy sailing from here :) I have multiple endings that I am working off of, I just haven't decided how I am going to finish this when I get there. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and a P.O.V. from N'Jadaka

**Author's Note:**

> Any guesses about what happened yet? I left two clues in this one :) I hope you like it


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